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FAQ: Why isn't my listing up yet?

I received this question today, as happens once a week or so. Often enough that I keep thinking it's in the FAQ list, but no. So now it is.

The primary excuse / explanation / underlying misunderstanding is: this is a one-man shop. Hi, I'm Paul, and I'm that man. A man with a full-time job that has nothing to do with this site, a wife, two kids, and some free time, at erratic intervals. It's during some of those intervals that submissions get seen, read, reviewed, corrected, published.

So usually, the answer is a simple "I haven't looked at submissions in a couple of days. When I do, you're in." It's almost always within a day or two, but sometimes the rest of the world doesn't cooperate. This has been one of those months.

So what can you do to speed the process along? Hint: the less touch-up I have to do, the fewer clicks needed to publish your listing, the sooner you'll go live.

Want to make sure things take a while? Here's how:

Leave out the address, or give vague directions in lieu of an address
Now I have to look it up, make sure it's the same "Casa del Java" as yours, etc.
Submit a listing that's already here.
This one's easy — it will never be published. Add a comment to the existing night instead, if you have something to say about it.
Forget to mention the day(s) of the week
More often than seems sensible, I get submissions listed only as "weekly". I'll email and ask for clarification, and about 1/3 of the time I never hear back. Use your real email address, please, for both our sakes.
Include 10 pages of all-caps, unpunctuated, whitespace-deprived description.
I need to clean this up, at least a little, to keep the site from looking overly insane. Takes much more time than clicking "Publish", and gets deferred.
Forward a 3rd-person email with vague details about an open mike
Now I get to deduce what state Someplacetown might be in; find the address; hopefully find a phone number; try and guess if that's just one Friday, every Friday, the third Friday of the month... There's a form. Please, please use it. Thanks.

And finally, while emailing to see what's up with your listing may prompt me to check the backlog (generally 5-10 submissions per day), it won't necessarily move you to the top of the list. But politeness helps. And rudeness really, really hurts.